Mar 10, 2020
I’m not a math guy.
It’s a lot like folding laundry. I’m not bad at it, but I don’t enjoy it… like at all.
But there’s one math formula I can get behind.
It’s called the “Magic Ratio.” (Listen to today’s podcast on the Magic Ratio here!)
If your ratio is on point, your marriage is almost guaranteed to be amazeballs.
If your ratio sucks, so does your marriage. (It’s not me judging you… it’s the math.)
Here’s how it works.
Several decades ago, Dr. John Gottman had married couples come spend a weekend in his “Love Lab.” It was basically like the set of Big Brother… but with more science.
They had cameras set up to record the couple’s interactions.
The couples wore heart rate monitors, and they had “jiggleometers” on the bottom of their chairs to measure how much they were fidgeting.
They took urine and blood samples to measure their hormones.
They even had one of those two-way mirrors with interns on the other side coding their facial expressions and body language.
The goal was to gather as much data as possible on these couples.
After studying these couples in the Love Lab over and over again for YEARS, Dr. Gottman found some monumentally life-changing things.
One of them is called the Magic Ratio.
He found that the happiest, most fulfilled, and most successful couples experienced an average of 20 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction.
For every one criticism, tough conversation, or angry word, there were 20 smiles, kisses, compliments, encouraging words, booty-pats, winks, offers to help with chores, small gifts, back scratches, etc.
And during times of conflict, that ratio dropped down to 5:1.
Sure these couples get frustrated about whose turn it was to change the diaper, or whether or not to pop the zit on his back. But they still found ways to build positivity in their relationship with a comforting hug, a hand on the leg, or cracking a dumb joke to ease the tension.
The most miserable couples? Their ratio was around .8:1.
Now for the important question… if you had to guess what your ratio was, what would it be? 2:1? 5:1? 50:1?
If it’s under 20:1, I want you to set a goal for today. Make it a point to bump up your Magic Ratio by a few points.
Send your lover a thoughtful text.
Write them a thank you note.
Offer to take care of their least favorite chore.
Flirt with them… like the way you did when you were dating.
Get that ratio up to 20:1, and see what a difference it makes. I promise you, it will be “MAGICAL.” (They don’t call lit the Magic Ratio for nothing!)
-Nate