Nov 25, 2019
Whenever I go to a party and someone asks, “So, what do you do?” I smile and take a deep breath.
“I help people have amazing marriages.”
“Oh, so you’re a therapist?” they inevitably ask.
“Nope! I have no desire to be a therapist. Thought about it for a while… even got accepted into some great programs. But therapy is not my thing.”
“Oh… so… what do you do then?”
It’s fun to see their reactions when I tell them that back in 2012 when I went on a cross-country road trip to discover the secrets of true love by interviewing the most blissfully in-love couples I could find.
Some people look at me confused. “So… you’re… not a therapist?”
Other people are immediately entranced. “Woah! That sounds amazing!”
Then comes the inevitable question…
“So… what’s the secret?! What did you learn? What do I need to know to have epic love?”
For a long time I bounced between a bunch of super cliché answers.
“Don’t be afraid to be the one who loves the most.”
“It’s more about how you handle your arguments than what you fight about, or how often.”
“Be kind. The best marriages are based on a foundation of friendship.”
“Learn to set and maintain boundaries and practice self-love. You can’t give if your cup is empty.”
Don’t get me wrong… this is all great advice. But I never felt like any of these statements were an accurate summary of what I learned.
I was hunting for “the” thing to share with people that would blow their minds.
It wasn’t until the last few years that I really started to distill all that I’ve learned over the past several years into one powerful, relationship-transforming takeaway.
But now I have it.
I honestly believe that if couples truly wanted to feel a deep sense of connection, passion, playfulness, honest communication, deep trust (like they can trust their partner to be there for them in the darkest times of their life), equal partnership, kindness, compassion, and excitement…
All they would have to do if adopt this one specific principle that I’ve distilled from tens of thousands of hours of learning from the top marriage experts in the world.
Want to know what it is?
You can find it in the first episode of the Growth Marriage Podcast. (I’ve rebranded The Loveumentary to Growth Marriage, and I thought this topic would be the perfect first episode to relaunch the podcast with a new format.)
Click here to listen to the episode on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, or Google Podcasts.
It’s pretty short… like 10 minutes long.
After this episode where I introduce this special, secret principle, I’ll take the next 3-4 weeks and do a deep dive into it with my good friend and Certified Gottman Therapist, Laura Heck.
I am 100% certain that if you listen and apply what you hear, it will change your life, and can transform your marriage in the VERY best ways.
-Nate